Ants in his Pants

I was setting in the waiting room waiting my turn to go in and see the dentist. Right across from me sat a young boy. I would guess his age maybe ten or eleven. He was fooling around in his chair stretching his legs out in front of him. Putting his hands between his legs. He would take his hands and raise them high in the air over his head. Then he would raise off his chair and set back down, He would do this a few times. Once he even fell out of his chair. He got back in his chair and started all over again.

All at once he turn around so his butt was facing me. Then he would raise his butt up in the air and then turn around and wiggle all around in his chair.
I just sat there watching him doing his performance. And smiling all the time. I looked at him and told him. You must have ants in your pants.

He looked at me no I don't have ants in my pants. Why do you think that I have ants in my pants.
Just by the way you are moving around in your chair.
That is something my grandfather always said to me because I couldn't set still either.

He started to laugh.Then he told me that his mom and dad told him he was a wiggle wart. He told me all about how he always was getting into trouble at school because he couldn't set still.
Even when I go to bed I wiggle all over the bed. The covers are all wrapped around me and my pillow is on the floor and I am laying cross ways in the bed when I wake up in the morning.

I started to laugh when he was telling me all about how he couldn't set still.
He asked me if I had any kids. No I don't but I did raise my nephew. You reminded me of him when he was about your age, How he couldn't set still either.

His mom came out of the dentist room. I hope he wasn't bothering you. No he wasn't bothering me at all. He is a very entertaining young boy. I enjoyed watching him wiggle around in his chair.
Yes he is a wiggle wart. He can't set still for a minute,

I reached out my hand. He grabs my hand and I thanked him for bringing back some great memories of my nephew when he was your age. Your a find young man and don't stop wiggling around.
His mom said I am sure he won't stop wiggling around.

Farm Boy


Repost from OOTS4U Blog

 Rolling About

I was poking around in the junk at a driveway sale just a few minutes ago. There was a kid, probably barely into his teens, looking at the stuff along with his mother. He grabbed up a rolling pin and called out, "Hey, what is this?" His mother and the older lady that lived there both answered, "It's a rolling pin." Then the older woman cleared space on one of the tables and showed him how to use it, talking about pie crusts and cookie dough.

He put it back down, but in a minute walked over and picked it up again, examining it carefully and spinning the roller while holding the handles. Right away he asked his mother "Don't you need one of these?" She told him no, that she wasn't that kind of cook.

He kept holding it and looking at it - then with the fastest quick motions you can imagine, held it against his thighs and rolled it up and down twice against the front of his pants, slightly thrusting his fly against it.

It was all I could do to hurry to my car without breaking into laughter. I don't know whether they bought the rolling pin or not, but the kid had certainly thought up a use for it that the manufacturer never intended!



Explaination of the Cup (Part II)

Reading this in print, I recalled even more details of that special time so I thought I'd submit a "Part 2".

I only knew that boy by his nickname, which was "Pickles". His last name also began with a "P", and coach would always call him up to bat using both his nickname and his last name, all like it was just one name.
“Pickles Perroni, you're up”
 For the rest of us he just used our first name. Joe, Bill, Mike, whatever..... 

That first day Pickles was wearing that thing he was walking so odd, that we were all wondering what the heck was wrong with him. One of the guys said maybe he "pooped his pants" and he was “packing a Buddy”. But he just kept grabbing at himself in front. I thought maybe he had a bad itch down there, because I knew that had happened to me at times from wearing wet swim trunks all day long and sometimes from stuff at Scout camp, like bugs.

 It was before that second game when he was still walking weird that the boy who thought he had pooped his pants yelled,
 "Hey Pickles! Why you walking like that? You got a pickle stuck in your butt or somethin'?"

Everyone laughed, except Pickles, obviously. That's when he told several of us guys to crowd around him at the far back end of the dugout. Then he said something odd.
 "Come stand closer to me so nobody can see...".

 Then he carefully pulled his pants down just far enough so that all of us could see this very strange contraption he was wearing outside of his underpants. He put a couple fingers on the outside of the fabric pouch holding the plastic cup, and said,
"It's cuz a THIS thing."

 We all just stared in silence. Then one boy broke the silence.
"What is it?"

He quickly pulled his pants back up, not wanting to spend any more time than necessary, and hoping nobody saw what he had done. He said with complete seriousness, "It's a cup."
"But what’s it for?" a chorus of us inquired.

Coach says it's to protect my nuts."

"From WHAT???"

"In case I get hit by a ball there. Coach said that could crush my nuts. Coach said whenever I catch, I gotta wear it, so to protect the nards."

I think we all became completely distracted from the game at that point. All we could think about was Pickles and this cup he was wearing. It was toward the end of the game when we convinced Pickles to give us another look. This was when he showed us how the cup came out, what it looked and felt like, and how to put it back in and position it so it protected all his stuff.

Pickles was a runt of a kid, small even among the rest of us. He had wild curly blonde hair, eyes that seemed to bug out, and two big front teeth making him look like a beaver. He always had a smile and everybody liked him. For the next several games that jock and cup made him quite the celebrity on our team.



Introduction to the Cup

The look on the face of the Iowa Little League player reminds me of my days playing Baseball.

 Especially what happened one day, this one boy on our team when I was 10 years old. He looked and WALKED all awkward the day before our first game. We all asked him if he was okay. It turns out, the coach had taken him out behind the dugout and introduced him to a "CUP". You see he was going to be our catcher, and the coach was required to give him one.
He had him take off his pants and put it on, and then helped him adjust it into position. (Nothing inappropriate happened, just an adult coach introducing a young catcher on how he needed to protect his young little stuff from possible injury.)

Finally, before the second game he told us about it, and then he became quite the celebrity. Right in the dugout he pulled down his pants so we could all see it. Outside his tighty whities he was wearing a cup-holding youth jock. He showed us how the cup came out and then he put it back in. For the next few games we all got a big kick out of tapping him in the nuts with our baseball bats, hearing the bat hit plastic, and then he'd pretend to be in pain. Then we'd all laugh, including him.